I Get It Now
by Alva Starr
Summary: What if Beth hadn't died during the hospital rescue mission? What if she and Daryl got their reunion? Got their happily ever after? Well, it might look something like this. Care to gaze through Alva Starr's surreal, romantic crystal ball lens? Take a peek if you like... this isn't a shipping stand of any kind, its a gift of comfort that I could give a dear friend with my writing.


_**Happy Birthday V! Solstice girl! This is for you :) You mean so much to me and I hope this is what you were looking for!**_

_**xx**_

_**... ... ... .. .. .. .. . ... . . .**_

_Hope is that thing with feathers that perches in the soul and sings the tune without the words and never stops… at all." -Emily Dickinson_

Beth's eyes flew open and her heart jumped in her chest restricting her breath. "W_hat changed your mind?"_ Every time she woke from the dream Daryl's hopeful face retreated in shadow and he lost the chance to answer her question. She relived that moment night after night. The moment where they first discovered each other within each other. The moment her innocence shattered in pieces, and so had his, she feared.

_"Maybe we stick around here for a while." Daryl said suddenly. "They come back, we'll just make it work. They may be nuts, but maybe it'll be all right."_

_"So you do think there are still good people around."_

_Daryl chuckled uncomfortably._

_"What changed your mind?"_

_"You know."_

_"What?"_

_"I dunno." He shrugged, but met her eyes. _

_"Don't... uh uh, c'mon, what? What changed your mind? "_

During the first twenty minutes of every morning each beat of her heart was as fast as a jackhammer with just as much force. Memories flicked through her mind's eye like slides in an old-fashioned projector. _A serious piggy back._ She smiled a little recalling that there was no hesitation when Daryl picked her up, when he touched her. There never had been, for some reason.

They held hands. No, they had grasped and gripped hands, squeezed each other's fingers with an anchoring affection and understanding as they stood close, side by side as one among the tombstones. He understood. He wouldn't let her drown and she wouldn't let him fall. No words were necessary to say_ I've got you._ They just _did._ She still felt the warmth of his skin touching hers even though she didn't know where he was. She didn't know IF he was.

She stared at the ugly drop ceiling that housed even uglier, standard issue hospital fluorescent lights and remembered where she was. Waking up here still felt disconcerting. She'd never been committed to any type of institution, still, she couldn't help but think this must be what it felt like to be in prison or a psych ward. She was living a far less glamorous version of the film "Girl Interrupted." She refused to close her eyes. She had always been a crier but the last several months had brought out a new side of her, and she pushed back the tears easily. _I don't cry anymore._

Beth turned on her side and slid her hand between the wall and the bed, comforted by the feel of the paper she'd hidden beneath the mattress. She'd furtively smuggled patient continuation sheets back to her room and with a stolen pencil, managed to keep her journal alive. She used what she could to create this makeshift diary. It was more important than ever to record her thoughts. It made her feel less alone. Beth began her morning ritual of writing. It was a form of meditation that would help her get through the long day. She felt silly, but sometimes she even wrote to Daryl.

_I don't know where you are, and it stabs my veins with guilt and anxiety. I wish you were here. How did we begin this fall, a fall that started so sweetly and ended so bitterly?_

_What if you feel everything? _

_Like the rain from the skies, that one destructive moment of ultimate loss fell over us, destroying the walls around us and the ground beneath our feet. Our bridge covered hundreds of miles in a brief, harrowing span of time but collapsed under a single wrong footstep. Every movement was a gamble and every raindrop a waterfall. We couldn't live any other way. After a while we were too passionate, too young, too naïve, and too idealistic. We were two people who could feel no emotion that wasn't at its most extreme. The depths of despair to the heights of hope. _

Sometimes she wished she could forget Daryl, although she know she never would. She was grateful for what she'd learned during their journey together. Ultimately, he taught her that she was stronger than she knew and she'd taught him something too, she knew she had. She'd shown him he was stronger than the shackles of his past.

Time. What unknown quantity that Beth possessed and had control of was a gift. Lessons that needed to be learned, would take time. Living and being true to herself now, would take time. She had no family left, no friends but she would never stop moving forward in search of her own passion in this world. This world as ugly and brutal as it was now, was still hers to live in and she'd make what she could out of it. She wouldn't waste it here in this cold place where people used each other. Escaping would take time too. She had no illusions, just the will to live and a belief in herself that Daryl reinforced. Yes, she would honor Daryl's friendship. He was a beautiful person and her life was blessed by their time together. She wondered if he felt this way, how he felt? Had he lost as much as she had? Was she a part of something bigger in his life, a piece to a puzzle? "Maybe," Beth whispered, as he strange Daryl-butterflies flitted about in her tummy again. Every once in a while, ever since the night on the porch he'd made those damn butterflies dance around inside her. She put pencil to paper once more. _Daryl, my daddy always said, "God gives us just enough - never too much and never too little." If he was right then I hope and pray that the time we had was just long enough for me to show you love. I hope it was that thing that changed you most of all. Knowing that someone had unconditional love for you. I hope you were finally able to let go and love yourself._

When she heard the thumping of boots in the hallway, Beth shoved the journal back to its safe spot.

"Beth, get moving!" O'Donnell ordered. "Edwards needs you. They just brought an injured woman in, hit and run."

— — —- —- —

_What changed your mind?_

Daryl replayed the moment over and over in his head. _"You." _He never had the chance to answer. _"You did Beth. You did."_

He remembered the night she was just ...gone. He saw the car with the cross emblazoned on it peeling out, and he ran after the vehicle. Even when it was out of sight, he kept running. Finally at daybreak his exhaustion pulled him to the ground. Shoulders slumped and his heart breaking, he sat down and put his face into his hands. He was motionless, without thought, stunned. A wracking sob shook him, and he began to cry. He felt his hot tears drip on his hands. His wailing ended after only a few minutes, the tears a minute after that as he pulled himself together, but his shaking continued. Daryl felt like he'd sabotaged himself with ignorance and summoned the inevitable with his own shortcomings. How could he have lost her? How?

Concealing his identity, his past, his pain, his sins, and anything that could incriminate him was so exhausting. He hadn't had to do that with Beth. With her he forgot the person he was and the skeletons in his closet, and fell into the person he was meant to be._ "You got to stay who you are, not who you were." _

Daryl shored himself with the knowledge that he'd persevered. Now on the way to Grady Memorial Hospital with his people and their guns, the stuff that kid Noah said they needed to get Beth back, he actually let himself feel some hope. He thought about what he'd do next, not about mistakes he may have made in the past. She'd taught him how to do that.

_Beth you would have only made my life better. In the short time I was with you, you completely changed me. I could only imagine who I would have become if we were able to live the life we deserved. Do I have a second chance? _

He was never good at knowing how to love, but he was going to try. If he could find her again. He made that promise to himself.

"Did you hear me?" Rick's question focused Daryl's eyes back on the road in front of him and he heard the rumble of the truck's engine.

"Yeah. We'll get them back. I heard." his voice scraped against the insides of his throat.

... ... .. ... .. ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... .. . . . . ..

After almost losing Carol when Dawn ordered her life support machines turned off, Beth had been able to save her with medication. She stayed in the older woman's room as much as possible that next day, needing the comfort of her familiar presence and the hope that maybe more of Beth's people were close. When Carol woke up they could get out together.

"Carol. It's Beth. I just wanted you to know that I was here." She said lightly squeezing the limp hand.

... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... . .

Rick surveyed the small group around him as he continued laying out his plan. "...knives and silenced weapons. We need to be fast. Tyreese, Sasha, take them. Daryl, you take care of whoever is in the kitchen. I got Dawn. If they're smart, the rest of them will give up. Then it'll be five on three. Six on three once we get a weapon to Beth."

"Twelve on three. The wards will help." Noah jumped in. Rick nodded.

"That's best case. What's worst case? All it takes is one of those cops going down the hall at the wrong time. Then it's not quiet. All hands on deck. We're talking about a lot of bullets flying around." Tyreese commented with worry.

"If that's what it takes." Rick summed up. He looked up at the rafters of the old warehouse he, Daryl, Tyreese and Sasha had commandeered as a base to talk out their plan.

"It's not. If we get a couple of her cops alive out here, we do an even trade."

"Theirs for ours. Everybody goes home." Rick nodded and pulled on his beard. "Yeah, I get it. And it might work. This will work."

"Nah, that'll work, too." Daryl stepped forward surprising everyone most of all Rick. "You say this Dawn, she's just trying to keep it together, right? Trying and doing are two different things. " Daryl stood tall, his chest out displaying a confidence Rick couldn't dismiss. "You take two of her cops away, what choices does she have? Everybody goes home. Like Tyreese says."

Daryl was taking no chances that any extra threat be posed at Beth or Carol. In the past he would have let his anger and desire for vengeance push him to act recklessly. The thought of Beth and even Carol being lost to him again by rash, foolish violence made him see the importance of strategy.

.. ... ... ... ... ... ... ... .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .

Edwards knocked on the door to exam room two and opened it slowly. Beth was still sitting vigil on the floor watching the injured woman in the bed like a hawk. He hesitated but finally coughed out "A man named Rick Grimes is here negotiating for your release. Two of ours for two of his."

Her head shot up. "Rick? He's here? He's...Wait, is there a man with him? A man with dark hair, a crossbow maybe?"

"I don't know. All I know is that Dawn said an ex sheriffs deputy Grimes is here for you and this lady here. So go, go get your things and change. It looks like you are getting out of here after all. Still, I 'd move fast before Dawn changes her mind."

Beth nodded and pulled herself to her feet. She didn't dare hope Daryl was here. But if Carol was and now Rick….it could mean… she shut down the thought. It would be too painful if he wasn't.

... ... ... .. ... ..

Beth heard only white noise and looked up. She was barely aware of Sasha passing her to take the handles of Carol's wheelchair, or of Rick handing the first cop off back to the group behind her. She hardly heard the words "One of yours for one of mine. All right. Move. Glad we could work things out."

She couldn't breathe.

She saw his hair first. Dirty, brown hair that was always messy, always seemed to have a mind of its own. It hung down slightly in front of a pair of the most beautiful, piercing blue eyes there ever was. Eyes that had haunted her for the past few months. They were wide and staring right at her, not narrowed or squinting suspiciously as usual.

Was the expression in them horrified?

Disappointed?

Terrified?

Disgusted?

They'd never finished that conversation back at the funeral home. What did he feel? Her cheeks became hot with the realization that he may not feel the way she did after all. Dreams were just dreams... but she saw Daryl's eyes become wet like her own. He started to say something, but his chin trembled and he couldn't get any words out as he struggled to hold back quiet sobs.

She couldn't take it anymore. Her knees were so weak. They trembled, and she braced herself, knowing she was about to crumble to the ground. The others were there, all around but the scene became a shadow. She stood between her captors and her rescuers but saw no one clearly. No one but him. She visualized herself falling, falling away from it all, she lay sprawled across the floor.

But she never hit the ground.

Instead, she found herself wrapped securely in his arms. He clutched her to himself so tightly it almost hurt. But it didn't. He was mumbling, murmuring. Beth couldn't understand what he was saying, but he was saying it over and over again. Then she heard it, and her heart swelled. And though she didn't think it was possible, she cried even harder.

He was saying her name. He was telling her that he loved her. And she wanted to die right there because she knew that life couldn't possibly get any better than this. She said his name and told him just how much she loved him between her own horribly loud sobs. She hoped he heard and understood what she'd said. He took a deep breath and pulled himself together.

"Thought you didn't cry no more." He teased, trying not to smile as he put his game face back on. She hit him lightly on the chest before he swept her up in his arms bridal style and headed back to the group.

"Daryl, I can walk." She protested.

His expression was serious and earnest with a longing and need that told her he must do this- carry her, hold her and not let her fall. Not again. Never again.

"Okay." She murmured softly into his chest. She put her hand gently on his face in time to feel the muscles of his jaw move into a small smile.

As Rick opened the door to the stairway, Dawn shouted, "Wait! Now I just need Noah. Then you can leave. "

"That wasn't part of the deal." Rick drawled.

"Noah was my ward. Beth took his place and I'm losing her, so I need him back."

"No, he ain't staying." Daryl beat Rick to an answer.

'He's one of mine."

"You have no claim on him. The boy wants to go home, so you have no claim on him." Rick answered calmly.

"Well, then we don't have a deal."

"The deal is done." Rick warned.

"It's okay. " Noah stepped forward.

"No you don't gotta do that!" Daryl tried to stop the boy. When he kept walking Beth shouted after him. "Noah, don't." Daryl let Beth slip gently down into a standing position but clutched her arm tightly, holding her against his solid body. "He's coming with us." Beth asserted, glaring steadily at Dawn.

"No, it's okay." Noah moved closer to the hospital group, almost too eagerly. Beth saw the flash of metal in the boy's hand. As he brought the knife up to Dawn's throat she pulled her gun on him. Beth reacted instantly, reflexes kicking in and grabbed Daryl's Glock from the holster on his hip. She released the safety, cocked the trigger and aimed at Dawn in one fluid motion before anyone could stop her. Just as Dawn was about to fire at Noah, a crack echoed in the hallway and Beth's bullet pierced Dawn's brain and the spatter from her skull hit the wall behind her. Beth lowered the gun. "I get it now." Her lip curled with disgust.

As the hospital cops prepared to fire back, Sheperd stopped them. "No! Hold your fire! It's over. It was just about Dawn. Stand down."

Daryl put his hand over Beth's as she gripped the pistol with white knuckles. He kissed her hair. "You saved that kid's life." He murmured.

"I know. He saved mine too. And I don't feel bad about killing Dawn. Not one bit."

... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... .

After the rest of the day spent walking and catching up amidst the excitement of reuniting with everyone, Beth and Daryl hadn't had a moment alone. Maggie had understandably monopolized her sister for hours. Finally, when everyone was asleep around the fire, Daryl and Beth wandered up the incline away from the camp. After a minute or two of walking, Beth asked him to stop and close his eyes. She held him by his shoulders and turned his face in the direction she wanted. Then, she softly asked him to look. From their elevated vantage point, he could see the dense green terrain unfold on all sides and the full moon shone down upon everything creating a surreal ambiance. Time had stopped as they stood drinking in the majesty of the scenery. Daryl turned to look at her. She was smiling a beautiful, affectionate smile that seemed all the more alluring under the pale moon. Her beautiful honey blonde hair formed a whitish halo around her face in the lunar light.

He watched her apprehensively, and she wondered briefly if he'd changed his mind about her. The fears and doubts started to race back in. Maybe she'd said too much earlier. Maybe the reunion was just an emotional reaction fueled by adrenaline and now he'd come to his senses. _Why would he want me?_

Daryl reached out a hand to stroke her cheek. He slid his calloused palm down to her chin, and he forced her to look up at him as he said, "Feels like a dream, don't it?"

No matter her insecurities, she couldn't deny the love in his eyes. She couldn't help but smile... and blush, of course.

Then his lips pulled back into that sexy crooked smile of his. When he leaned in she did not shy away.

She pressed her lips firmly against his. He cupped her face with his hands, then swept his tongue across her lips. As they finally kissed an unseen current passed between them. They were soul mates, created by the same unseen hand in the sky. They had endured so much and emerged together. Shared grief, shared hardships, shared trauma...shared love. There was an exquisite ardent feel to their first kiss. She never wanted that kiss to end. When their lips finally parted, a while later, he studied her expression for a sign of regret or a hint of remorse. Instead, he saw her eyes shimmer with love. She wasn't afraid or in doubt. All that was between them was love. Love that was beautiful in its purest form, unrivalled in its intensity and yet somehow innocently affectionate.  
>It felt like a dream, but Beth knew it wasn't one. This moment was very real. It was finally happening and was better than all of their dreams combined.<p>

"So, what changed your mind?" She asked.

"You did Beth. You did."


End file.
